Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
