I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I supernannyed him into submission
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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