You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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