just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
