Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
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