How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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