When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
