Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
