I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
