if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
