Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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