I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
