Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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