I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
