i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
