dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
