billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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