i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Floor bacon is actually really good
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
