Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
