What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
