He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
