I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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