If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
