if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
