i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
