oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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