Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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