Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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