I'm so fucking centered right now
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
