Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
