So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
