just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
