apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
