They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
