Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
