And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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