like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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