what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
