Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
