I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
