I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
