Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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