he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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