i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
