what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
