Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
