Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
kristin has been a bad kristin
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
