You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
