well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
