I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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