hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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