so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
