you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Randomize
